From the moment he took office last November, Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger rescinded, froze, launched, proposed, negotiated, persuaded, charmed and swaggered his way into a reputation across the political spectrum as an action figure. But this action figure is not sold separately. Heās packaged in a boxed set alongside a kinetic kindred spirit: his wife of 18 years, Maria Shriver.
Shriverās verbs as Californiaās first lady have yet to be fully enunciated, but given her drive, political savvy, pedigreed background, professional connections and inherited sense of noblesse oblige, sheās bound to embrace the stateās causes with the muscle of Schwarzenegger at his bodybuilding best.
Face itāwe are enamored with the 48-year-old Shriver in a way that weāve never been with any other first lady, and not just because sheās married to a Hollywood icon. Just having her in Sacramentoāand hearing her say she and Arnold are thinking of moving their family hereālaunches this cityās glam quotient into the no-gravity zone, all but obliterating our inferiority complex. First of all, thereās the whole Kennedy mystique. Shriver is the daughter of Eunice Kennedy Shriverāsister of the late President John F. Kennedy and founder of Special Olympicsāand Sargent Shriver, Democratic presidential candidate George McGovernās running mate in 1972, and chief organizer and first director of the Peace Corps. Maria herself sits on a number of charitable boards, including Special Olympics, Best Buddies and After-School All-Stars. We know her best for her nearly two-decades-long career as an award-winning journalist for NBC News and āDateline NBC,ā which she quit in early February to focus on her duties as first lady.
What many people donāt know about Shriver is this: She also is an author whose books have enjoyed significant success on the national literary landscape. Among her works are New York Times best seller Ten Things I Wish Iād KnownāBefore I Went Out Into the Real World and two best-selling childrenās books, Whatās Heaven? and Whatās Wrong With Timmy? Her third childrenās book, Whatās Happening to Grandpa?, debuts in bookstores this month.
When Sacramento magazine publisher Mike OāBrien and I catch up with Shriver in mid-February over lunch atāwhere else?āthat petri dish of political power, Esquire Grill (Schwarzenegger is eating here today, too, at a separate table), we learn just how autobiographical these books are in that they mirror episodes in Shriverās own life and give us a glimpse into how she might approach issues such as death (Whatās Heaven?), disability (Whatās Wrong With Timmy?) and Alzheimerās disease (Whatās Happening to Grandpa?) with her four children.
Our conversation with Shriver reveals a woman who is smart, informed, confident, candid, voraciously curious and, like many of us inching toward 40 or 50, philosophical in an Oprah sort of way. She emanates potency and status like a musky perfume and yet, speaking with warmth and sensitivity about her booksā themes of love, hope, faith and acceptance, is kicked-back enough to be one of the girlfriends. And to answer the No.1 question all my girlfriends are asking: Yes, dressed in black pinstripe slacks, a black shawl and a trio of delicate necklacesāone with a charm in the shape of a crossāshe is as tiny as she looks on television.
Between bites of Cobb salad (minus the blue cheese and avocado), Shriver tells us about Grandpa, the product of her own struggle coming to terms with Alzheimerās in her family. Her 88-year-old father announced last June that he had been diagnosed with the disease and was experiencing early stages.
Shriverās book, illustrated in baby-blanket-soft strokes by Petaluma artist Sandra Speidel, offers a poignant look at a 10-year-old girlās family, upset by a grandfatherās memory loss. It is meant to give enlightenment, comfort and hope to both children and adults who may be dealing with Alzheimerās in their elderly loved ones. (Heads up: Remove your mascara, unless itās waterproof, before tackling this one with your kids.)
āItās about trying to keep a dialogue open with children,ā Shriver explains, her vowels tinted in shades of East Coast establishment. āHow do they understand if someone asks them the same questions over and over, or if someone doesnāt remember what they just did? The book for me was a way to be able to explain the issue, but really also a way to encourage relationships between grandparents, the sandwich generation and children. As it says on the first page, to me, family was everythingāstill is. That was how I was raised, and thatās how Iām trying to raise my kids. And yet because weāre such a transient society, we lose touch with older people who spend a lot of time alone and maybe arenāt feeling so great. Maybe this book will start a conversation like, āMaybe we should call Grandma and Grandpaā or āMaybe we should reach out to an older person down the road and include them, because they probably donāt get invited out a lot.āā
Shriver confesses that by writing Grandpa, she also was able to solidify the soup of her own emotions. āThatās why I wrote the book,ā she says. āMy dad, if he were sitting here, you could talk to him; heās still an extraordinary man. But I needed to understand that my dad isnāt the same, and that thatās OK. Arnold said to me, which I thought was really good, āAllow your dad to be who he is. Why are you getting bogged down with he doesnāt remember this or he doesnāt remember that? Just accept who he is now and be grateful.ā And I said, āYou are absolutely right.ā You canāt be like a 20-year-old kid with your dad at 50, and then have that image stuck where heās always going to be 50āand then be mad at him and your mother that theyāre not 50 anymore. I think itās probably oneās own fear because you want to be the kid all the time. You want to be accepted as a grown-up, but you want [your parents] to be there and offer you adviceāat least I didāand to play the role that they had played their whole life for me. And of course theyāre getting older, they canāt do everything for me that theyād done before, and I didnāt like that.ā
Shriver finds it immensely rewarding that her books seem to resonate with readers in a way that 20 years of journalism never could. āAs a journalist,ā says the Peabody- and Emmy-Award winner, āyouāre always a communicator; youāre the middle person. The booksāthat was my voice.ā
Covering the Columbine tragedy in 1999, she was deeply affected by the sight of several high-school students clutching her then-new book, Whatās Heaven?, as they milled around the Columbine High School parking lot. āI was touched that somebody felt that that might make somebody feel better,ā she says.
Ironically, Shriver never set out to write childrenās books. Her first one, Whatās Heaven?, was the result of her not getting her way at NBC, and a testament to her tenacity and resourcefulness in skirting obstacles.
āI wanted to do an hour [show] on death,ā she says. āI wanted to deal with the whole hospice movement. I wanted to deal with living wills, about how the whole culture had changed regarding death. And they didnāt want to do the hour because they said people donāt want to watch a show about death. Theyāre not interested in the subject. And I was like, āOK, Iāll go write it myself. And Iāll write it as a kidsā book.āā
Little did she know, Shriver was just warming up. The ideas began to pour, many gleaned from family dinner-table conversations. She says, āMy daughter said the other night, āEverything that happens, you say is a book! You turn everything into a book!āā
It just so happens, Shriver is flirting with another book ideaāpossibly a sequel to Ten Things, which was a collection of her reflections, confessions and advice about navigating life, including getting fired and struggling with her weight. (The book was derived from her 1998 commencement speech at the College of the Holy Cross in Worcester, Mass.) Last fall, shortly after Schwarzenegger announced his candidacy in the recall election of Gov. Gray Davis, Shriver said on āThe Oprah Winfrey Showā that she married Arnold in part because āI tried to find somebody who would take me as far away from the political world as possibleāānever in a million years dreaming she would wind up the first lady of California. If that isnāt fodder for a book, what is?
āI think the first thing I would say,ā Shriver says, āis let go of the plan. There are so many things happening in your life that are not part of your plan. Death could affect you; thatās not in your plan. You could have a disabled child, and that certainly wasnāt in your plan. You could have a husband who runs for governor and that throws off your plan. What Iāve learned is you have to have a kind of flexibility in your life and in your mind and in your heart. These past three or four months, my whole plan has gone out the window.
Everything about itāmy job is different, my husbandās job is different, weāre living in different cities. Yet I say to myself, āOK, letās figure out how to navigate this one.ā Maybe I donāt know whatās in this plan yet or where itās going to take me, but Iām not going to get overly concerned about it.
āMy whole life in many ways prepared me for the campaign of the fall and where I am today. My entire life, having been spent in campaigns and being of service, was incredible. My journalism is a valuable tool. I donāt know anybody who could have that kind of training.
āI know who I am, I know what my values are, my ethics, my principles. I know what I expect of myself. And the rest Iām going to be open to try to navigate.ā
The din of the dark-suited lunch crowdāwhich up to now has been just a few decibels shy of Arco Arena during a Kings gameāskips a beat, like a rest in a lively musical score, and soon we know why: Gov. Schwarzenegger has finished his lunch in the back room and is now sweeping in our direction, entourage in tow. He spies his wife, kisses her and slides into the booth next to her, his broad form filling up most of the space.
Schwarzenegger stays seated just long enough to flip through a couple of Sacramento magazine issues publisher OāBrien has given to Shriver. The governorās finger, with its lapis lazuli ring, settles on a piece in last Octoberās issue about 30 powerful local women. Smiling, the governor glances from OāBrien and me to his wife and back again as if to say, āThis year, letās make that 31.ā
But at this point, just a few months into her Republican husbandās administration, this Democratic wife is less concerned about making her markāfor nowāthan about maintaining stability, smoothing the transition, for the sake of the coupleās four children, Katherine, 14; Christina, 12; Patrick, 10; and Christopher, 6. It is Shriverās belief that if you donāt get the mom thing right, not much else matters.
As Schwarzenegger departs for a meeting, our conversation drifts toward Shriverās home life and how the family is coping now that Dad is governor. Shriver describes a routine that, oddly and refreshingly, doesnāt sound that much different from my own, even though Iām pretty sure she hasnāt had to plunge a toilet lately or figure out how to stop an army of ants from goose-stepping into an open box of Lucky Charms.
Shriver tells us sheās been coming to Sacramento once a week; much of the rest of her time is spent at home in Brentwood while Schwarzenegger bunks at the Hyatt Regency. Itās going to be this way at least until the end of the school year.
She says, āPeople have said to me, āWell, why donāt you move up there?ā And I said, āWell, first of all, there is no home.ā And everybody Iāve mentioned that to is shocked by [no permanent governorās mansion]. And I canāt really put four kids in a hotel and expect that that would work for anybody. But Iāve said that I havenāt ruled out the notion of moving here if I could actually get a home and get myself organized. But it didnāt work to move my kids mid-schoolyear, and for them itās enough of an upheaval.ā
Day-to-day routine seems to be the saving grace for this family still tingling from their daring polar-bear plunge into the frothy waters of California politics. Not since the Reagan administration has there been a California governor with children living at home.
Shriver says, āSomebody asked me the other day, āWhat do we want to say are your accomplishments for your first 100 days [as first lady]?ā And I would say that, āI kept my kids sane and normal.ā No matter what I did, whether I stayed working or was a full-time first lady, that had to be my priority. Itās huge; I mean, everything is different and yet you try to keep everything the same. We put a hotline in Dadās office thatās just for the kids. A lot of government leaders have a hotline to the National Guard; Arnold has a hotline just for the kids. Our 10-year-old son uses it numerous times. Arnold said, āShouldnāt there be some limits on the hotline?ā I said, āNo. There canāt be any limits on the hotline.ā You want your kids to feel that even though Dad has changed jobs, theyāre still the focus of your world.ā
As with most moms of school-age children, much of Shriverās life is a blur from the driverās seat, ruled by the almighty to-do list attached to her dashboard. āArnold says, āYouāre insane the way you drive around with this.ā I say, āBut thatās my life!ā Thatās a lot of womenās lives,ā Shriver says.
Shriver spends a great deal of time ferrying the kids to their sports events, trying not to cheer too loudly because it embarrasses them, and resolving not to care that some other kidās domestic-goddess mother brought homemade brownies in a basket for a snack while Shriver herself (who admits to lacking both time and culinary skills) could only manage Ritz Bits. She has learned to let it go.
āI try not to set myself up as someone who can do it all,ā she says. āI feel like Iām trying to achieve balance. I know how to be successful at work; thatās easy for me. Whatās hard for me is how to be successful at work, and successful in my marriage, and successful in my kids. I feel like women often set themselves up comparing themselves to other people. We compare ourselves to these women who are on the cover of Vogue and [Harperās] Bazaar. My daughter will say, āWow, look at Paris Hilton!ā Iām like, yeah, I feel bad. Well, Iāve had four kids; Iām [older]. You have to snap out of it. The only advice I have is to be you. Donāt feel less than because someone else may be doing it better. So a single mother of four should never compare herself to me because itās an unfair comparison.ā
Busy as she is at home, Shriver hasnāt had much time to explore Sacramento or get to know many people here. But she is pleasantly surprised by what sheās seen so far. āI donāt feel that Iāve been able to go out and get a cup of coffee with four girls Iāve met. I havenāt been able to find out, āWhereās your kid in school?ā or āWhereās the best park?ā or āWhat do you do on Friday afternoons? Whereās the best movie theater?āā she says. āEven though Iāve tried to go to different restaurants and meet people and get a sense of the community, itās not the same as when youāre driving yourself around and youāre in school and youāre settled, versus living in a hotel and going to meetings. Even if I had done it the other way, I wouldnāt feel at home two months into a place anyway. But I definitely really like it here, and I really like the sense of community here. I like the fact that people know each other here. I have liked [Sacramento] much more than I was led to believe I would like it.ā
OāBrien and I cringe. Here it comes. Cow town.
āWhat were you led to believe?ā I ask.
Shriver says, āPeople have said to us, āOh, my God, youāre not going to move to Sacramento, are you?ā I said, āSacramentoās much better than you think it is.ā Thereās culture here, there are great restaurants here, there are great people here, there are great sports here. I say that to people and theyāre like, āReally?ā I say, āHave you ever been there?ā And theyāre like, āNo.āā
Shriver never utters the C-word; thatās how strongly she feels against labeling anything, be it a city, a person or a group. She even carried her anti-labeling message into last fallās campaign.
āPeople would say, āOh, Iāve never voted for a Republican,āā she says. āI was like, āWould you ever say to your children, āYou can only play with a Republicanā or āYou can only play with a Democratā? And they said, āOf course I would never say that.ā And I said, āBut thatās what youāre saying as an adult. Why would you not play with the Democrats and the Republicans? Forget that youāre a Democrat or a Catholic or a Republican or a Jew or a black. Just accept people for who they are. We all get bogged down by our labels, just like Sacramento gets bogged down by its label. You can escape it if you donāt buy into it. And so for me, I look at Sacramento and think itās a great communityāa place to raise a family, a place to be connected, a place to have a sense of pride. The other label, I donāt use it. Itās not part of my experience here.ā
As our meal comes to a close, a plate of chocolate-chip cookies arrives mysteriously at the table. Shriver laughs, explaining that the folks at the Esquire are indulging a standing request. She grabs two for the road: āIām a cookie freak!ā
You didnāt think action figures ran on lettuce alone, did you?Ā Ā Ā Ā
Maria Shriver: A Snapshot
In the Beginning
Full Name: Maria Owings Shriver
Birth Date: Nov. 6, 1955
Birthplace: Chicago
Home Sweet Home(s)
Current Primary Residence: Brentwood, an upscale district west of the city of Los Angeles
Vacation Homes: Sun Valley, Idaho and Hyannis Port, Mass.
All She Wrote
Mariaās books include Whatās Heaven? (February 1999), Ten Things I Wish Iād KnownāBefore I Went Out Into the Real World (April 2000), Whatās Wrong With Timmy? (October 2001), Whatās Happening to Grandpa? (May 2004)
From Plaid Skirt To Mortarboard
After attending Catholic elementary and high schools, Maria graduated from Georgetown University in 1977 with a bachelorās degree in American Studies.
Journalistic Journey
Maria began her career as a news writer/producer for KYWāTV in Philadelphia in 1977. In 1978, she moved to WJZāTV in Baltimore as a writer/producer on the stationās āEvening Magazine.ā Later, she went on-air as a reporter in the Los Angeles bureau of CBS News and became the co-anchor of āThe CBS Morning Newsā (from which she was fired because of low ratings). In 1986, she joined NBC News, where she became an NBC News correspondent, a contributing anchor for āDateline NBCā and a contributing correspondent for MSNBC. She quit NBC in February 2004, saying that it became clear to her that as Californiaās first lady, her journalistic integrity would constantly be scrutinized.
Starry-eyed for Mr. Universe
Arnold at a Glance: Mariaās husband, Arnold Alois Schwarzenegger, was born July 30, 1947, in Thal, a village outside Graz, Austria. He came to the United States in 1968 at age 21. Arnold received a bachelorās degree in business from the University of Wisconsin, Superior, in 1979, and became a U.S. citizen in the early 1980s. The seven-time Mr. Olympia and five-time Mr. Universe (both amateur and professional) has been in more than 30 movies, including Conan the Barbarian, Predator, The Terminator and its sequels, along with Twins and Kindergarten Cop. Schwarzenegger was sworn in as the 38th governor of California on Nov. 17, 2003.
How Maria and Arnold Met: At a 1977 charity tennis tournament at the home of Mariaās aunt Ethel Kennedy. She was 21; he was 30.
Hitched in Hyannis: Maria and Arnold were married before 450 guests on April 26, 1986, at St. Francis Xavier Roman Catholic Church in Hyannis on Cape Cod, Mass.
Bridal Quote (referring to the groom, said to her uncle Sen. Edward Kennedy, D-Mass.): āDonāt look at him as a Republican. Look at him as the man I love, and if that doesnāt work, look at him as someone who can squash you.ā
Nuptial Notes: Mariaās cousin Caroline Kennedy, daughter of the late President John F. Kennedy and Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy Onassis, was the maid of honor. The bride wore tennis shoes beneath her Christian Dior gown because she had two broken toes. The wedding cake, a 7-foot, eight-tiered affair weighing 425 pounds, was a replica of the cake Mariaās parents, Sargent and Eunice Shriver, celebrated their āI doāsā with 33 years before.
Family Matters
House Full of Men: Maria was the only daughter born to Sargent and Eunice Shriver. She has four brothers: Bobby, Timothy, Mark and Anthony.
The Next Generation: Maria and Arnold have four childrenāKatherine, born Dec. 13, 1989; Christina, born June 16, 1991; Patrick, born Sept. 18, 1993; and Christopher, born Sept. 27, 1997.
Momās Mission: Mariaās mother, Eunice Kennedy Shriver (pictured at right), is the younger sister of the late President John F. Kennedy. While Maria was growing up, Eunice ran a camp for mentally retarded children in the familyās back yard. The camp evolved into Special Olympics, which today serves more than 1 million developmentally disabled people in more than 150 countries. Mariaās brother Timothy is the programās president and CEO.
Dadās Deeds: Mariaās father, World War II veteran Sargent Shriver, became the founding director of the Peace Corps in 1961. Named by President Lyndon B. Johnson to direct the War on Poverty, he headed the Office of Economic Opportunity in the mid-ā60s, and under its auspices launched Head Start, Job Corps, Legal Services for the Poor and VISTA (Volunteers in Service to America). Shriver was the U.S. ambassador to France from 1968 to 1970, served as Democrat George McGovernās running mate in the 1972 presidential election, and himself ran in the 1976 presidential primaries. He was president and chairman of Special Olympics from 1984 to spring 2003.
Other Famous Kin
John F. Kennedy: Mariaās uncle, the 35th U.S. president (1961ā63), inspired Americans during his inaugural speech with the injunction, āAsk not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country.ā The youngest man ever elected President, JFKās defining moment in office is considered to be the Cuban Missile Crisis, for which he is credited with preventing nuclear war with the Soviet Union. President Kennedy was assassinated Nov. 22, 1963, in Dallas, at age 46. Kennedyās alleged assassin, Lee Harvey Oswald, was shot and killed by Jack Ruby two days later.
Robert F. Kennedy: Another of Mariaās uncles, Robert F. Kennedy, served as the U.S. attorney general during his brotherās presidency. He later became a Democratic senator representing New York and a presidential candidate. He was shot on June 5, 1968, in Los Angeles after winning the California primary for the upcoming presidential election. He died the next day. Sirhan Sirhan is serving a life sentence for commission of the crime.
Sen. Edward Kennedy: This uncle, one of Americaās leading liberal politicians, was first elected to the Senate in 1962 to fill the vacancy left by his brother, John F. Kennedy, when the latter became president of the United States. Edward Kennedy was critically injured in a plane crash on June 19, 1964. On July 18, 1969, he was involved in a car crash on the island of Chappaquiddick in Massachusetts. His passenger, campaign aide Mary Jo Kopechne, drowned.
Caroline Bouvier Kennedy Schlossberg: Two years younger than Maria, Caroline was born in November 1957. Daughter of late President John F. Kennedy and the late Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy Onassis, she attended Radcliffe, trained at Sothebyās Institute of Art and met her future husband, Edwin Arthur Schlossberg, while working at the Metropolitan Museum of Art. A graduate of Columbia Law School, she has co-authored two books, In Our DefenseāThe Bill of Rights in Action and The Right to Privacy, with author Ellen Alderman.
John F. Kennedy Jr.: Mariaās cousin āJohn-John,ā son of the late President Kennedy and the late Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy Onassis, was born Nov. 25, 1960. He was named People magazineās āSexiest Man Aliveā in 1988 and in 1995 launched George, a glossy political magazine. JFK Jr. was killed along with his wife, Carolyn Bessette Kennedy, and her sister Lauren Bessette when the single-engine plane he was piloting crashed near Marthaās Vineyard on July 16, 1999.Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā
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